Happy Anniversary

The past was too beautiful
And too painful
To look back
I'd live it over and over again
I know that I can never be so much in love
Like how I loved you
13 years past
And what we had slowly fading
The joy and the pain
12 years of matrimony
I'd pick every grain
If only I could relive
That moment again
Deep down in my heart there's a hard rock sunken
That anchors all my feelings
Hardly expressing
Because time has taken away my past
Only left for us to see forward
Grasping the darkness looking for that path
That leads us back as one
And in the darkness I seek the light
That reflects the past and future
The hope and relief
And through it I wish to see you
Once again and again and again
That again that never ends
And I will see your face
What time has almost erased
I will feel you
I will live in your heart
Lasting longer than eternity
Because that is the only place I wish to be

Happy Anniversary b-Fyzal

When the truth become lies...

I want to say so many things
But I hold them to myself for so many reasons
When truth become lies
And lies are what they believe
Then the truth will just remain
As it is
Undiscovered not wanting to be recovered
Forced to hold my silence
Counting my patience
My emotions
Are now numb
Though I don't feel dumb
When I say believe me and they don't
When they question me I say don't
They told me marvellous tales
And never hold them as told
I get frustrated
When their lies are lies
And my truth are also lies
So I'd rather keep it to myself
And enjoy the bliss found in silence
For that's when I found my happiness
When I started being patient
I lose nothing when I lost everything
And I gained more than what I've been praying

Bee, you bring me happiness...

Your bleeding hands

It's not that I don't care
When your hair is out of place
Or when you cry in your sleep
I never was too eager
To say something cheap
And lie to your face
That everything's gonna be okay
Material I can give
Happiness that's what I pray
Everyday
For you
I never was unsincere
Do you remember the time
I laid my hand on your bleeding hands?
And sealed it with compassion of a friend
Think of the times I spent
Hours of cans
I was there
Only...
When you needed me...
So don't question
Don't play judging
Because I never asked for your compassion
Not once...
You can despise
You can pull a face
I don't care
Because YOU never did lay
Your hand on my bleeding hands...

Never!

Without Fail :)

Never thought I'd love again
This way
The pain
That I love to feel
Again and again and again
You just lift me up
And make my day
You please me
Tease me
And love me
Without fail

The way you look at me
Stare at me
Gaze at me
Is enough for me
To know that you are the one
I want to spend the rest of my life
Not abandoned
Not alone

When you speak to me
I feel special
When you make love to me
It's undenial
You make me crave for more
More of your love
More of you
I can't get enough of you, baby...

I don't know how else I can express
My love to you
To show you that I'm true
We've been through hard times
I guess it's enough
I just want you to be mine
Enough of those stuff
Leave it all behind
And I'll love you everyday
With all my heart I will
Because I know you'll love me
Without fail...

a sip of coffee

sitting, sipping, staring...
on a monday morning
loving the days of my life
loving the man of my life
as i kissed his forehead when he is sleeping
as i pray the love we have everlasting
as we wait for the fruit of love
as i watch the sky above
i know i've been blessed
with everything that i have
everyday is a wonderful day for me
for i have never been so happy
to have him by my side
to have it in my life
to have the love like i've always wanted
to have all my dreams granted
i am blessed
truly blessed...

as i sip my coffee
thanking the days i'm having
and to make my days more interesting
i can feel it kicking...

okay, okay mommy will stop drinking
the coffee that kept me day dreaming

i love you sweetie pie
and i love your daddy too 'til i die

yup.. today is the first kick after 18 weeks...

Another You

In a brisk of dusk
When we needed it most
You just slam it down to the ground
Did anyone ask?
About the loss
Something that I know can never be found

And when I thought
I had my wings spread wide
You came and shatter my pride
What is this?
Another vibe?
I thought I was one of your lies

It's okay, I'm used to it
I'm even used to dying
So when is it this time, Dear God?
Another year of crying
Until you succumb my revenge?
I'm tired of waiting
I'm tired of just watching
Just blast out the vengeance

Guess you can't count
The crows when they're flocking mad
So I'll just sit here
And continue feeling sad
Until the day when You decide
To wipe the dark sky silky white
Because I don't want another you
I don't want another you
I don't fucking want.. another.. youuuuuuuuuuuuu!

As I step away from the garden of youth
Where we all behave like there's no truth
I walk backwards so I can see
The eyes that stare at me
Because I don't want no pack
Pouncing on my back
Sly as a fox, evil like the wolf
We're all pack of wolves
We're all you.. we're all just like you.

subjective

commitment. where art thou?
i have mine with me
as i have vowed
i wonder where's yours
is it gone now?
but i sense it's been missing
i wonder why, when and how?
i remember you questioned me
but the mirror is facing you somehow
i hate you so suddenly
you fucking lying old cow!!

i hate you
i hate you
i hate you

lost in your own worthless world!

how dare you questioned my commitment!!

eat your words alive now! liar!

i hate you

- -- - - -- - - -- - - -- -

bee, jom tgk ghost rider... lama tak tgk wayang nih

i can't

i cannot hate her but i do,
i cannot blame her but i do,
i cannot do anything but i want to,
i cannot explain but i want to,
i cannot love her but i do,
i cannot hate her... but i do...

...

like being strucked by lightning
unable to move
my weak body
unable to speak for it hurts
so afraid of saying the wrong things
that'll hurt the one i love...

i want to say something comforting
but it turns out to be worse
it turns out i'm not the Goddess of Love
i'm just some lame girl
ruining everyone's heart

and now he hates me
for what should i do now?
i'm lost without words
my tears can't stop streaming down my cheek
i feel like jumping off a cliff

i'm clueless now...

do you know i love you, bee?
do you?

do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
do you know i love you?
so deep it hurts...
i'm hurt... without you...

i'm so sorry bee................ . . . .. . . . . . . . . .

Trophy

call it lust
whatever you must
don't see what's all the fuss
another trophy won
passion all none
somehow someday that's just

gleaming away
figured you'd sway
only to last 'til it strays
believe me hon
another trophy won
another price you'd have to pay

listen close
they're actors most
inside empty full of hoax
well it's done
another trophy won
that's the life egos chose

Promises...

(Thought I'd share this old poem I found... Nothing to do with whatever la... So, please jangan nak terasa-merasa nih... I just find this poem suitable to make it into a song... )

Look at me
Have I not treat you right?
Cry when you cry
Pamper you at night
Kiss you endlessly
Didn't I lose the fight?
And let you be the shining knight

Tell me what else can I do
Do you need more time?
How else would I feed you?
Have I wasted your time?
Am I not the one?
To share all your fun
Miseries and sorrows

I hang over your promises
When you lifted me from those dreaded days
Given no time to weigh
The offer I need not pay
Given no choice
You promised me happiness
And still I wait
As you promise

One more promise and I'm gone
One more pain and I'm gone
One more tear and I'm gone
One more promise… and I'm gone…

Tell me
Have I not loved you right?

~15 November 2005

tired

buat salah
tak buat pun salah
cakap salah
tak cakap pun salah
senyum salah
tak senyum pun salah
suka salah
tak suka pun salah
cuba salah
tak cuba pun salah
nak salah
tanak pun salah
happy salah
tak happy pun salah
excited salah
tak excited pun salah
nak tolong salah
tanak tolong pun salah
usaha salah
tak usaha pun salah
semuanya salah laa senang...

i've committed, but not admitted... thank you so much for everything.


dulu aku mengaku salah pun orang tanak terima pengakuan aku... it's like i'm invincible, like i never do mistakes.
now, the wind has change... everything i do is wrong.

harharhar... life is sucky. i'm not affected though, but i find it hillarious that sometimes people don't see the big picture, and prefer to pick on little itsy bitsy details. we're not children anymore, and we should absorb and try to analyze and understand the situation. always have the mind set of anticipation. anticipate.. anticipate.. anticipate. paham tak anticipate tu apa??? contoh bawak keta la, kita kena selalu anticipate ada motor nak swing kuar ke jalan kita la gitu... so when someone does/say something that isn't your kind of language, try to widen your creative heads you have over there and understand the fucking situation! I HAVE NEVER ONCE THINK NEGATIVE OF WHATEVER YOUR ACTIONS ARE! infact, i want to try to understand it. but then again, what's the use when everything i try to do is wrong to you.

ko nak aku buat camne lagi? camni? camni?? (gaya2 keroro masa nak makan burger)

so, my bags are packed... and i'm damn sure ready to go. i'm not loosing anything. penat je la nak start balik... and patah hati sket (sket je... elehh... uwekkkk...nyampah...)
back to square one, girl...

wonderful people... wonderful...

Free

it has come again
haunting me
hurting me
penetrating my mind
stabbing my heart
please go away
and bring back the strength i once had
i need to fight back
thank you once again
for taking away my self esteem
i fight with my mouth shut
it has always been like that
but the message has never ever been delivered
your loss for not giving me the chance
and now i totally lost it
i don't know how to fight
you can come and challenge me one on one
and i will lose even before you claim you've won
i only can rely on fate
that one day you can see
i'm just letting the puzzle fall into place
only then i can finally be free
i know my revenge will be claimed
but not through my own strength
the truth will creep its way to me
only then i'd know i'm finally free...


He always fights for me...

bee, thank you for listening... i know you care...

Blizzard

in the blizzard
things started to swirl
up and down
round and round
it was when
held up conversation
made it a sensation
to most probably
but none needs to know
when the river of tears flow
like showers from the waterfall afar
from the lonesome star
i took a picture
in memory i'd remember
that very moment
when i realized we have each other
and no other
coz no one could see
the star hidden between
those dark clouds that twirls
when the blizzard started to swirl


i'm always here for you