My hard-earned love

How does God create this, an art of love beyond dreams
I want to remain here forever
Dreams all fade, create yesterday
But I know this can stay...

Last week, a friend asked me, what makes me love my bf so much?
Simple answer, I told her I feel like no.1 with him.. all the time.
And when you're no.1, you have everything else that follows.
I have love, someone who cares.. and most of all, I have a bestfriend.
It's unlikely for anyone to believe that I could click with him.. but we do click.
I guess the things that I'm lacking, he fills it up for me. Vice versa.
He makes me laugh, he's very affectionate, he appreciates me, he's a wonderful bedtime-story teller, he talks to me about everything...
The fact that he's very sensitive, emotional, and clingy only makes me adore him more and more. In this case, we're so alike. I love to love, so it gives me the chance to love him more... I know you like that, don't you, bee?

The thing is, he makes me feel as if he's been searching for me all these while... I wasn't searching, but I was praying for someone like him.

I feel so attached to him, and I couldn't imagine my life without him.
What would I do without you, bee? You know I love you...



p/s: Yes, I know I'm a little bit (ok, alot!) jiwang here. I can't help it, I'm in love...

Love of My Life...

Where you are, that's where I wanna be
Through your eyes are all the things I wanna see
In the night you are my dream, you're everything to me

You're the love of my life and the breath in my prayers
Take my hand and lead me there
What I need is you here

I can't forget the taste of your mouth
From your lips all the heavens pour out
I can't forget when we are one
With you alone I am free

Everyday, every night, you alone are the love of my life

We go dancing in the moonlight
With the starlight in your eyes
We go dancing till the sunrise
You and me, we're gonna dance, dance, dance

Trophy

call it lust
whatever you must
don't see what's all the fuss
another trophy won
passion all none
somehow someday that's just

gleaming away
figured you'd sway
only to last 'til it strays
believe me hon
another trophy won
another price you'd have to pay

listen close
they're actors most
inside empty full of hoax
well it's done
another trophy won
that's the life egos chose

walking with pride

i'm satisfied that i know now that my instincts are so true all these while, satisfied that what i held back to protect other people's pride than my own has now shown that i am no longer in the dark side. i'm satisfied with just by letting my mouth shut, while God has always revealed the truth right to my face, and that makes me so satisfied to know that i can now rest in peace and move on with my life because God has proven to my ownself that i do posses a great instinct to make decisions that others yet to understand. i'm so satisfied that my gut feelings have guided me through out of misery and doubt that i have been keeping for years. i'm so satisfied that i didn't have to do anything to prove that my instincts are right. i'm so satisfied that God has finally brought out the clear picture to all the confusions and questions that had been hovering me for so long. i'm so fucking satisfied that i had sacrificed my pride and ego, only to prove that the truth is on my side. i'm so satisfied that nobody has to thank me for anything at all, because i can only thank myself for holding everything back and let the truth creeps its way out of all these crap i've been protecting. i'm so satisfied that i can now walk with my head up high and show my finger to anyone who passes me by because i know that i am right!

what i'm angry is that i did not believe my instincts earlier...

lei... lei ho yea ahh... tiuuwww.....

" If you didn't listen to your heart inside
then it really doesn't matter what was on your mind "

Promises...

(Thought I'd share this old poem I found... Nothing to do with whatever la... So, please jangan nak terasa-merasa nih... I just find this poem suitable to make it into a song... )

Look at me
Have I not treat you right?
Cry when you cry
Pamper you at night
Kiss you endlessly
Didn't I lose the fight?
And let you be the shining knight

Tell me what else can I do
Do you need more time?
How else would I feed you?
Have I wasted your time?
Am I not the one?
To share all your fun
Miseries and sorrows

I hang over your promises
When you lifted me from those dreaded days
Given no time to weigh
The offer I need not pay
Given no choice
You promised me happiness
And still I wait
As you promise

One more promise and I'm gone
One more pain and I'm gone
One more tear and I'm gone
One more promise… and I'm gone…

Tell me
Have I not loved you right?

~15 November 2005

Wow...

It's amazing how one's fate can change in just a blink of an eye...

God is Fair...

tired

buat salah
tak buat pun salah
cakap salah
tak cakap pun salah
senyum salah
tak senyum pun salah
suka salah
tak suka pun salah
cuba salah
tak cuba pun salah
nak salah
tanak pun salah
happy salah
tak happy pun salah
excited salah
tak excited pun salah
nak tolong salah
tanak tolong pun salah
usaha salah
tak usaha pun salah
semuanya salah laa senang...

i've committed, but not admitted... thank you so much for everything.


dulu aku mengaku salah pun orang tanak terima pengakuan aku... it's like i'm invincible, like i never do mistakes.
now, the wind has change... everything i do is wrong.

harharhar... life is sucky. i'm not affected though, but i find it hillarious that sometimes people don't see the big picture, and prefer to pick on little itsy bitsy details. we're not children anymore, and we should absorb and try to analyze and understand the situation. always have the mind set of anticipation. anticipate.. anticipate.. anticipate. paham tak anticipate tu apa??? contoh bawak keta la, kita kena selalu anticipate ada motor nak swing kuar ke jalan kita la gitu... so when someone does/say something that isn't your kind of language, try to widen your creative heads you have over there and understand the fucking situation! I HAVE NEVER ONCE THINK NEGATIVE OF WHATEVER YOUR ACTIONS ARE! infact, i want to try to understand it. but then again, what's the use when everything i try to do is wrong to you.

ko nak aku buat camne lagi? camni? camni?? (gaya2 keroro masa nak makan burger)

so, my bags are packed... and i'm damn sure ready to go. i'm not loosing anything. penat je la nak start balik... and patah hati sket (sket je... elehh... uwekkkk...nyampah...)
back to square one, girl...

wonderful people... wonderful...