Trophy

call it lust
whatever you must
don't see what's all the fuss
another trophy won
passion all none
somehow someday that's just

gleaming away
figured you'd sway
only to last 'til it strays
believe me hon
another trophy won
another price you'd have to pay

listen close
they're actors most
inside empty full of hoax
well it's done
another trophy won
that's the life egos chose

walking with pride

i'm satisfied that i know now that my instincts are so true all these while, satisfied that what i held back to protect other people's pride than my own has now shown that i am no longer in the dark side. i'm satisfied with just by letting my mouth shut, while God has always revealed the truth right to my face, and that makes me so satisfied to know that i can now rest in peace and move on with my life because God has proven to my ownself that i do posses a great instinct to make decisions that others yet to understand. i'm so satisfied that my gut feelings have guided me through out of misery and doubt that i have been keeping for years. i'm so satisfied that i didn't have to do anything to prove that my instincts are right. i'm so satisfied that God has finally brought out the clear picture to all the confusions and questions that had been hovering me for so long. i'm so fucking satisfied that i had sacrificed my pride and ego, only to prove that the truth is on my side. i'm so satisfied that nobody has to thank me for anything at all, because i can only thank myself for holding everything back and let the truth creeps its way out of all these crap i've been protecting. i'm so satisfied that i can now walk with my head up high and show my finger to anyone who passes me by because i know that i am right!

what i'm angry is that i did not believe my instincts earlier...

lei... lei ho yea ahh... tiuuwww.....

" If you didn't listen to your heart inside
then it really doesn't matter what was on your mind "

Promises...

(Thought I'd share this old poem I found... Nothing to do with whatever la... So, please jangan nak terasa-merasa nih... I just find this poem suitable to make it into a song... )

Look at me
Have I not treat you right?
Cry when you cry
Pamper you at night
Kiss you endlessly
Didn't I lose the fight?
And let you be the shining knight

Tell me what else can I do
Do you need more time?
How else would I feed you?
Have I wasted your time?
Am I not the one?
To share all your fun
Miseries and sorrows

I hang over your promises
When you lifted me from those dreaded days
Given no time to weigh
The offer I need not pay
Given no choice
You promised me happiness
And still I wait
As you promise

One more promise and I'm gone
One more pain and I'm gone
One more tear and I'm gone
One more promise… and I'm gone…

Tell me
Have I not loved you right?

~15 November 2005

Wow...

It's amazing how one's fate can change in just a blink of an eye...

God is Fair...

tired

buat salah
tak buat pun salah
cakap salah
tak cakap pun salah
senyum salah
tak senyum pun salah
suka salah
tak suka pun salah
cuba salah
tak cuba pun salah
nak salah
tanak pun salah
happy salah
tak happy pun salah
excited salah
tak excited pun salah
nak tolong salah
tanak tolong pun salah
usaha salah
tak usaha pun salah
semuanya salah laa senang...

i've committed, but not admitted... thank you so much for everything.


dulu aku mengaku salah pun orang tanak terima pengakuan aku... it's like i'm invincible, like i never do mistakes.
now, the wind has change... everything i do is wrong.

harharhar... life is sucky. i'm not affected though, but i find it hillarious that sometimes people don't see the big picture, and prefer to pick on little itsy bitsy details. we're not children anymore, and we should absorb and try to analyze and understand the situation. always have the mind set of anticipation. anticipate.. anticipate.. anticipate. paham tak anticipate tu apa??? contoh bawak keta la, kita kena selalu anticipate ada motor nak swing kuar ke jalan kita la gitu... so when someone does/say something that isn't your kind of language, try to widen your creative heads you have over there and understand the fucking situation! I HAVE NEVER ONCE THINK NEGATIVE OF WHATEVER YOUR ACTIONS ARE! infact, i want to try to understand it. but then again, what's the use when everything i try to do is wrong to you.

ko nak aku buat camne lagi? camni? camni?? (gaya2 keroro masa nak makan burger)

so, my bags are packed... and i'm damn sure ready to go. i'm not loosing anything. penat je la nak start balik... and patah hati sket (sket je... elehh... uwekkkk...nyampah...)
back to square one, girl...

wonderful people... wonderful...

Free

it has come again
haunting me
hurting me
penetrating my mind
stabbing my heart
please go away
and bring back the strength i once had
i need to fight back
thank you once again
for taking away my self esteem
i fight with my mouth shut
it has always been like that
but the message has never ever been delivered
your loss for not giving me the chance
and now i totally lost it
i don't know how to fight
you can come and challenge me one on one
and i will lose even before you claim you've won
i only can rely on fate
that one day you can see
i'm just letting the puzzle fall into place
only then i can finally be free
i know my revenge will be claimed
but not through my own strength
the truth will creep its way to me
only then i'd know i'm finally free...


He always fights for me...

bee, thank you for listening... i know you care...

Tomyam 2000 - RIP

Tempat yang aku selalu makan dinner bersama b-Fyzal; Tomyam 2000, kini tiada lagi... Kenapa aku emo sangat pun aku taktau apsal. Maybe it's because it brings lots of memories to me.

I eat there almost everyday, at times only the both of us, other times with our friends... We'd go for dinner as early as 6pm and talk till we drop at 12midnite. The service is good, where your food will be served less than 5 mins, dlm 3 min camtu lar. Tak sempat gulung rokok dia dah sampai... Food takde la cam 5-star la, tapi sedap! Currently we're both addicted to the kerabu perut.. demmit... satu hal nak carik tempat dating/lepak baru...

Waiter/waitress pun masing2 dah kenal muka kita, and vice versa... Kita jadi bahan tontonan dorang, hahaha maklum la, orang baru bercinta. They've seen us date, talk all nite, laugh, happy, bored, played silly hand games, argue, lovey-dovey... To them, we're the mini-series soap opera... hahahaha... Well, they don't know that I was watching them too... sigh... mana nak carik tempat best lagi nih?

Tomyam 2000... why? oh why?? No notice? No warning? No relocation sign?? Why leave us when we were hungry??

Tomyam 2000 - RIP

hey girl...

forgive us, for we are always second-hand... it ain't easy...
we know that you'll understand...

I choose to be this way.